When a relationship starts for the first time, the happiness you both feel deep down seems like you can’t ask for more.
But when the spark in the relationship is fading away, and you understand that your relationship is in trouble and probably reach the end of the line, then this can be bad and disastrous news for you.
When the feelings you have for someone fade away, and your relationship fails. Still, due to a few changes in the person’s life, maybe a change in behaviour or thinking pattern, then you begin to fall in love with the person again at this time you start to think on how to save the relationship.
First, this is a summary of How to save a relationship.
To save a relationship, you have to make it feel like you are doing it for both of you because you want to remake the love that you’ve shared together so far.
It’s not just about making her want to be with you. It’s about you and yourself that lead to deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction.
You have to make her understand that you are working hard to save the relationship not only to your advantage but also for her benefit.
Some relationships are categorized as bad or unhealthy. Therefore, you should first recognize the type of relationship you are in, and this will help you determine whether the relationship needs to be saved or you need to walk away from the relationship.
9 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
1. Lack of attention
This means that you or your partner or both are no longer loyal or devoted to each other. Isn’t one of you more attentive, supportive or loving towards the other? This will prove to be a lack of interest in doing anything to make your relationship happy or even bearable.
You have stopped paying attention to each other, and you have stopped complimenting and appreciating each other.
Questions you should ask yourself
- Did one of you stop being nice and kind to the other?
- Are you no longer faithful to each other?
- Do you no longer feel part of your partner’s life, or do you no longer feel inside?
- When others physically or verbally attack your partner, do you jump in their defence or at least feel bad about what happened?
If you or your partner are negative or ambivalent, this is a sign of a unhealthy relationship.
Did you or both throw loyalty out the window? If so, then this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
I know we are bombarded with information every day, that loyalty is overrated, but that’s not true. The importance of loyalty is that it differentiates your partner from anyone else in the world.
Strengthen your collaboration and let your partner know that you feel they are so unique to you that they are ready to give up other sexual connections for them.
That’s why infidelity hurts so much because, with this act, you tell your partner that they are not so special or that they are not enough for you.
3. Lack of trust.
Trust, in this case, would mean being there for one another based on trust in the other person and the relationship.
Questions to you ask yourself.
- Do you trust your partner?
- Can you count on them, or can you rely on them?
- If they say they will do something, will they outdo you?
- Is your word trustworthy for you? Otherwise, you trust them.
This is the problem with a lie, they may seem so mild, but they can negatively influence a relationship by undermining trust in the person who usually lies.
4. Threats and Ultimatums
A characteristic sign of an unhealthy relationship is when a partner starts creating threats or ultimatums for the other person.
These can be threats of violence. For example, your partner promises to injure you, threaten to leave the relationship or reveal secrets.
In any case, all these techniques are opportunities for one partner to control the other by force.
5. Substance abuse
A history of alcohol or drug abuse does not necessarily indicate an unhealthy relationship.
However, alcohol and substance abuse often indicate other psychological problems such as depression, addiction or impulse control problems.
You can suggest a consultation before leaving your partner for drug abuse problems. However, if your partner is not ready to work on the issue, that’s a bad sign.
A common thread in many unhealthy relationships is that one partner does not feel supported or discouraged by the other partner.
If you feel that your hopes and ambitions meet criticism and negativity rather than the support and guidance of your partner, you may have an unhealthy relationship.
Remember that your partner has no obligation to support you all the time, but you shouldn’t feel angry or unhappy either.
7. Jealousy and insecurity
Expressing feelings of insecurity and jealousy when there is no good reason will only drive your partner away and reduce their respect for you.
If there is a real reason for these feelings, you have to deal with the problems directly with your partner.
8. Competitive behaviour
Competition in a relationship is a rivalry for supremacy and can develop through children, money, professional success or friends.
Sometimes the need to upstage your spouse comes from uncertainty.
These power struggles can destroy a relationship because one person must be the winner and one the loser.
9. Feedback from friends and family.
If you regularly receive feedback from your friends and family who think your partner is not suitable for you or that your relationship is unhealthy, they may be up to something.
It can be challenging to see your relationship as it is when you are in the middle of it. So remember what your loved ones are saying.
How to save a relationship
1. Be Affectionate
How do you define affection? Most of the time, it’s physical touching. This is because touch releases some rather powerful hormones that we often associate with feelings of love. 51% percent of single people surveyed say that flattery is the best way to attract someone.
As Kory Floyd, PhD of Psychology Today said, “One of the reasons why hugging, holding hands and touching makes us feel good is that these behaviours increase our levels of oxytocin, a hormone that relieves pain and calm. Feeling.”
Maybe your partner wants to be more loving, but he/she doesn’t know how to get started. If you suspect this, start with sweet things first and check if things are going in the right direction.
Dr Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages on fivelovelanguages.com explains that we can hit emotional needs of those we love in different ways, and indeed people have different needs and respond to them better for some “love languages” than for others.
You may already know your partner’s principal language; If not, read the five different types and learn to speak the language.
Show your partner how much you love them whenever you can to save the relationship.
5 Love Languages
a. Words of affirmation
Verbal appreciation appeals to people whose primary love language is “Words of affirmation”.
The words of encouragement can easily be translated into love and support.
b. Quality time
Many partners feel most loved when they spend physical time together and do the activities they love to do.
Spending uninterrupted time together will bring a couple closer, and in the years to come, will fill up the emotional bank account.
c. Receiving gifts
Some people respond well to visual symbols of love. When you speak this language of love, you value each gift as an expression of love and devotion.
People who speak this language of love often feel that the lack of gifts is a lack of respect on the part of their partner.
d. Act of service
Sometimes simple housework can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like doing laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort and energy.
Most often both partners speak with “Acts of Service Language”. However, it is imperative to understand which services your partner appreciates most.
e. Physical touch
Many partners feel most loved when they get physical contact from their partner. For a partner who speaks this love language aloud, the physical touch can create or break the relationship.
Learn your partner’s “language” by finding his or her favourite act of touch, whether it’s hugging, kissing, holding hands or making love, and starting it frequently.
2. Engage in Skilled Communication
Communication is not just about talking about the days of others and saying what you had to eat for lunch. It’s about digging deep and getting to know this person in the best possible way. If you want to save your relationship, you need to improve your method of communication.
Technology can bring couples closer.
According to a 2014 PEW research study, 21% of mobile phone owners, said they feel closer to their spouse or partner because of conversations they had via text.
9% admitted that they had resolved an argument over text message that they couldn’t fix in person. In addition to that, 27% of internet users say their internet usage has had an impact on their relationship, and 74% said it was a positive one.
Digging deep is not always easy, especially for those who have never talked about their feelings. And you don’t have to turn every conversation into a conversation at heart.
Stephen White, a well-known author and psychologist, writes in one of his novels that for intimacy to occur, two things are required: vulnerability and disclosure.
White’s comments sum up the reason it is so important,
“Without safety, there is no vulnerability, and without vulnerability, no risks are taken to talk about the things that scare us… hence there’s no true intimacy.”
Here are 5 effective ways on how to communicate better with your spouse/partner
a. Listen attentively
When a person speaks, it is easy to interrupt them and comment with your thoughts on the topic under discussion. Don’t!
It is good that you want to share your thoughts and listen to what is being said, but it can be rude and make your partner feel as if you don’t understand what he is saying.
You could try listening actively. Then confirm that you have heard and understood what your partner is saying.After your partner finishes, it’s time to get involved with everything you have to say.
Talking to each other makes it easier for couples to communicate with each other and can improve a relationship because no one is interrupted or feels that what he has to say is not important.
b. Identify and Pick up non-verbal cues
If your partner says “My day went well”, but their tone is irritated, annoyed or angry, there may be something they are not yet ready to communicate.
Communication is not just about the words we say, but also about how we tell them. Our tone and attitude reveal much more than just words that come out of our mouth.
And to be honest, it’s an ability to collect these non-verbal cues. Discover the facial expressions of your partner, their hands (is it shaking/trembling), body language (are they making eye contact?) and listen to their tone.
c. Have small talk
Not all conversations with your partner need to be sincere and emotional.
Talking about less important things like your favourite TV shows or the small details of your day can be fun. Small talk isn’t as silly as you think; This way you will learn more about your partner.
Sometimes, when people have an intense schedule, they may not be available to their partner the way they want it.
Dr John Gottman is world-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, involving the study of emotions, physiology and communication.
Dr Gottman’s research indicates successful relationships have five times more positive interactions than negative ones during arguments, and up to twenty times more positive than negative exchanges in regular communications.
d. Tell Your Partner What You Need from Them
Sometimes I just want to let off steam and feel confirmed by my partner who supports me saying “Yes, it’s crap, I’m sorry!” Other times I want advice.
It is important to keep your partner updated so that you are on the same page. If you say something like “I need to let off steam now, and I’m not looking for advice, just your support” or “I need your advice in this situation”, you will know exactly what you need.
If you know what you need, you can reduce misunderstandings or stress in a given situation. By informing them promptly, we may be able to prevent unnecessary disagreements caused by inadequate communication.
e. Share your experiences.
As a couple, you will have some boring and worldly moments in your relationship.
Instead of complaining about her, hug her. This is the time you have to spend together instead of being separated, so you should enjoy it.
Things like walking, cycling and cooking can all be done together. You don’t have to make expensive trips or fancy dinners.
Fun fact: If you are a woman, you have 15 minutes to make a first impression on a man.
Also, you don’t want to forget to remember these experiences in difficult times.
Couples want to be remembered that they can have fun together and it can be fun to think back to a time when they were happy.
3. Take Responsibility
Taking responsibility for one’s actions is an important part of healthy relationships. This is an important reminder that you are in control of the role you play in your relationship. Taking responsibility creates trust and reliability.
When you take responsibility for your behaviour, you show your partner your willingness, to be honest, and vulnerable, which in turn encourages your partner to be open and authentic with you.
It is essential to distinguish whether you and your partner take responsibility or distract you. Be aware of defence reactions, which could include “stop being so sensitive” or “I didn’t know you would care” or “you should have said something”.
It is not only important to take responsibility. It is important that your partner also learns how to take responsibilities to have a healthy relationship and to ultimately save the relationship.
How to take responsibility in a relationship
a. Don’t play the blame game
The main part of taking responsibility is to avoid blaming the partner for every little thing that happens. Instead of blaming your partner, accept your mistakes and shortcomings. Accept if you are to blame. However, this does not mean that you accept the wrong guilt.
This is the hallmark of an unhealthy relationship that is unfairly accused and accepts this wrong guilt.
b. Be Honest
Honesty between partners is crucial. Couples who are honest with each other can lead happy lives and at the same time align their relationship with growth and success.
Partners who trust each other and who are completely open to everything, such as finance, work or perhaps even embarrassing issues, tend to keep misunderstandings out of their relationships.
Men and women both want someone honest.
After data mining over 3,000,000 profiles, the dating app Zoosk found that both men and women use the word honest the most while describing what they’re looking for in another person. Other popular traits varied by age and included things like sense of humour, fun, family, or easy going.
c. Emotional Responsibility
This is the most important ingredient for a healthy relationship. When people take no responsibility for their feelings, they tend to blame their partner for their happiness, emotional security and self-esteem.
As adults, happiness, emotional safety and self-esteem come from how we treat ourselves and others rather than how others treat us.
Therefore, if we leave ourselves instead of loving and appreciating ourselves, we feel unhappy and emotionally insecure and have low self-esteem.
So, when we hold our partner responsible for our feelings, we participate in creating an unhealthy relationship.
The main thing that causes relationship problems is emotional self-abandonment, which generally manifests itself in four ways:
- Ignoring your feelings by staying in your head instead of being present in your body,
- Judging yourself,
- Addressing different addictions,
- Avoiding your feelings and make others responsible for your feelings.
Learning emotional responsibility is critical to building a healthy relationship.
d. Listen to respond and not to react
It is important that if any of you raise doubts or complain, the other person listens with the intent of solving these problems and alleviates your partner’s concerns, rather than listening to deny or trigger an unwanted topic.
Instead of reacting negatively, act accordingly and consciously in the situation. In times like these, it can also be helpful to look at the issue from your partner’s perspective and find out where his or her thoughts come from.
A study out of Florida State University found that couples who made a habit of having “angry but honest” conversations were happier in the long run.
But don’t rant at each other. Out of 100,000 people surveyed for The Normal Bar, 90 percent of the happiest individuals have never cursed at their partners.
e. Be Willing to Forgive Your Yourself and Partner
Everyone makes mistakes, and it is important to forgive yourself or your partner to overcome challenges and strengthen your relationship. If you see responsibility for your mistakes as an opportunity to learn, your relationship can become a place that promotes and celebrates growth.
Forgiveness creates trust and responsibility in your relationship, relieves resentment and blocks the never fun “game of guilt”.
4. Learn to compromise
If there’s one thing you and your partner should do now rather than later, is to learn to compromise in your relationship. This ability can be useful in a variety of situations, from choosing activities on vacation to solving problems in sex life.
And it means doing everything without arguing, hurting feelings or moving away from each other.
But there is a difference between compromise and sacrifice. There are good compromises that improve a relationship and bad compromises (victims) that bring bitterness and resentment between you and your partner. It is important to know what is driving your relationship and what is holding you and your partner back.
Good compromises help you and your partner to grow together as a team. They promote trust, responsibility, consistency and security in your relationship.
A compromise shows that you have a common goal in mind: a healthy partnership and not your unique happiness in your heart. Compromises are not selfish, while they are probably someone who expects you to make sacrifices.
How to compromise to improve your relationships
a. Be willing to change.
After considering your expectations, you are ready to respond to the changes as you see fit. It’s one thing to say you’re ready to compromise, but it’s another thing actually to respond to that change.
An essential part of the compromise is implementing the solution. This shows your partner that you are willing to compromise and not just make false promises to end a fight.
b. You both have to give something, not just one of you
Before asking your partner to give up something, you should be ready to offer something at the table alone.
This shows balance, fairness and willingness to compromise, not just compromises.
c. Share your beliefs and emotions.
Make sure to express your beliefs and feelings about the situation.
Everyone involved in the situation must be heard, and the easiest way to do this is to expose your parts clearly and honestly.
Use the statements “I” and “me” so that it is clear that you feel that way and you are not trying to impose your feelings or opinions on others.
Fun fact: According to a 2017 study on marriage by the PEW Research Center, 64% of married couples say having shared interests is important to a successful relationship, and 61% said satisfying sexual relationship is.
If your problem is at work, make sure you don’t over-share your emotions – stay professional, but make sure you’re being heard loud and clear. You should be willing to do all this to save your relationship.
To Reach Compromise, Try Saying:
“Help me understand where you are coming from.”
“I think that makes sense.”
“What are our points of agreement?”
“Let’s see if we can identify some common goals.”
“If we agree on these goals, how will we get there from here?”
“I never thought about it in that way.”
“This is making sense to me now.”
“I am starting to see this from your perspective.”
“Let’s compromise. Would this work for you?”
“I agree with this part of what you are saying.”
5. Express gratitude in your relationship (Say Thank You)
Many studies indicate the personal benefits that can come from expressing gratitude in relationships. People who express gratitude develop more positive assessments of their relationships and also get more help and kindness from others.
People who write thank you letters show a better mood and, especially when they start to feel bad, fewer symptoms of depression. In addition, people who receive expressions of thanks also get an advantage.
But not all expressions of thanks are the same – and our thanks are not always well received.
5 Sweet thank you message for boyfriend
I want to thank you for all the wonderful ways you make me happy, even when you don’t realize it. Just seeing your face or hearing your voice can make my day already. Because of you, I have a permanent smile on my face and butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Thank you for giving me this giddy, happy feeling every time.
Thank you for supporting me and my dreams, and never trying to hold me back from what I want in life.
Having you with me helps me see the world differently, now all things seem better. Thank you for changing my life.
Thank you for knowing when to set me straight, and for telling me when you think I’m wrong.
I want to be with you forever, you make me feel so special, and even sometimes I cry because of the joy that having known you produce on me. Thank you, and I love you babe.
5 Sweet thank you message for girlfriend
When I am down, you lift my spirits. When I am bored, you make me lively. You are not just my partner, and you are my life. Thank you for being there for me.
You are a dream; you made me go where I could not reach alone. I never thought we could accomplish this much. I appreciate you coming into my life. Thank you.
Thank you, dear, for making me feel Mr Right. I love you
You hold a special place in my heart, and you are all I need. Thank you for being that special person in my life
This day cannot pass without me appreciating what you have done for you; you have been truthful and sincere. I love you.
6. Seek professional help
If your relationship is in trouble, professional support can help you identify problems and strategies to improve your life.
Family dispute resolution professionals (family mediators) can work with you to define practical issues and identify current and future needs.
The most studied and effective form of treatment is that of Dr Sue Johnson, who developed a couple of therapy focused on emotions (EFT). Research shows that this treatment is long-lasting and also useful for people with different ethnic and cultural backgrounds.
For example, a 2017 study looked at the effectiveness of couple therapy in a group of veterans with different age and race differences and found that it is generally effective and relationships improve 18 months after treatment.
Another 2017 study also found improvements that continued 24 months after treatment. The study published in 2015 found that Emotionally-Focused couples
Therapy (EFT) is useful for couples with infertility.
If you think your marriage is in trouble, don’t wait. Ask for help as soon as possible.
Budget money and time for this treatment.
The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to restart your relationship. Find professional couple counselling or attend a wedding course or weekend experience as soon as the warning signs appear.
When you see professional support, the problem in the relationship will be easier to spot and this will make it easy to save the relationship.
But before I conclude, I have a video on How breaking up can save your relationship.
Over to you, what are the challenges you are facing in your relationship, what are things you are going through, share your thoughts with us and let’s help one another Or have you overcome some difficulties in your relationship? Share your experience with us, let’s know how you save your relationship.
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