#1- Establish “Vulnerability Plays”
A Vulnerability Play is something you do to expose yourself a little, doing something that’s out of your comfort zone, or that creates uncertainty, on purpose. And the process of seeing yourself survive something vulnerable or uncomfortable is what helps strengthen your ability to trust yourself.
The small exposures help us see that we really are able to trust ourselves.
Maybe you don’t need to manufacture vulnerability. Maybe, life has a way of dishing them up for you, in forms of divorce, loss, career upheaval, infidelity, betrayal, death, etc. And you were blindsided, left to pick up the pieces.
Our brains are always watching every actions and using it to decide who we are and what we are capable of.
Building confidence and self-trust with every day you get out of bed, do something, endure and survive.
Trust that you don’t need to take fast action out of a need for control.
Watch yourself and build self-awareness.
And as a result, over time, you rack up a show of evidence that you can figure things out. You can handle something hard. You can do it.
#2 – Stop asking people their opinions, and make a big decision on your own.
You don’t have to force things, but I do believe that the more you take your own advice, do the thing you feel in your gut, minimize time second-guessing and then just OWN that decision–including any fallout, good, bad or ugly–the more powerful you become.
There’s something intriguing about going with your gut, and then having the full experience, with no one else to consult with. Just you. It’s a signal to your higher self that you know. You just haven’t given yourself a chance to trust yourself yet.
Next time you want to ask 100 people their opinion, ask the one that matters most: yours.
#3 – Engage in more tough conversations
Tim Ferriss says, “One’s success in life is directly related to how many uncomfortable conversations they’re willing to have.”
In this sense, I like honesty. I like authenticity. I like people saying to my face the things they’re upset about, and I like offering the same courtesy back. To me, that’s where real communication starts, and what leads to real, deep connection. Engaging in uncomfortable conversations is a practice.
Also showing up to conversations with those in your life with everything on full display: your preferences, needs, wants, desires, fears and vulnerabilities.
The goal is not to agree on everything, or constant harmony all the time. The goal is engaging in the scary thing and again, seeing yourself survive it. This makes you get better. Clearer. Stronger. More confident.
When you bring up the thing you don’t want to bring up, your brain watches, and says, “Damn, you are in your integrity!” And seeing yourself in that messy, yet congruent place is one of the most powerful experiences and will continue to fuel more honesty, growth and depth in your relationships.
#4 – Become more discerning as a result of experiences
In Mark Manson’s book, ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’ he shares that for many people, they give a fuck about everything. Someone cuts them off in traffic, they’re pissed for hours. Something doesn’t go perfectly at work, they catastrophize. They have a misunderstanding with their partner, it ruins their week.
In short, when you get super upset over every little tiny thing in your life … I’m sorry but, you’re soft. When I do it, I’m soft. That’s not a bad thing, but it is a thing. And while honoring your feelings is always valid, the key is deciding what things to feel a lot about.
When you haven’t endured many hard things in your life, even the smallest thing can feel catastrophic. And this, my friend, is the opposite of self-trust. It’s crumbling at the slightest inconvenience. It’s losing it over the tiniest misunderstanding.
You can see things from other people’s perspectives, so you don’t take things as personally. You know everyone is just doing their best. You understand most of us are operating from insecurity all the time, so we don’t have to take it all so personally.
In other words, you hold it down. You see and TRUST that you’ve got this.
What do you think?
Self-trust is magical, if you are only brave enough to dip your toes into the hard stuff