#1 – Take some time to take the emotion out of it
Just because somebody’s shares what they think, doesn’t necessarily make it true, and it doesn’t mean we have to do anything with it.
When we see it as such, we can take the emotion out of it.
When this person gave me feedback, I took a day before coming back to respond. This allowed me to logically say, “Hey, this person loves me and wants the best for me. I trust them, and we have built up a strong enough relationship to even have a conversation like this.”
So take a moment. Let the emotions simmer down.
#2 – Look for evidence of truth
Byron Katie, author and spiritual wizard, has her followers “do the work.” The work is an assessment tool to work through your emotional and mental garbage. Check it out,
Within The Work, there is a point called “the turnaround” where you find instances where a statement (or criticism) could potentially be true.
When you’re emotionally charged up, there’s a good chance somebody is tapping into some truth or insecurities of yours. Check yourself.
#3 – Look for evidence of not-truth
I spent years being up before 5am while all my friends were just winding down their college parties. I read a book a week, took risks most of my friends would never, and wrote 10,000 plus words this month. I’m proud of that.
So there is truth in both my laziness and in my drive. Now, the ball is in my court, and I’m back in my power.
#4 – Do I want to change my behavior?
Now, we’re no longer emotional. We could see how the other person is objectively right, and we’ve seen that a criticism may contain a truth, but is not our whole truth.
Now, we have to decide if we even want to use that feedback.
For me, because it came from somebody I love and trust, and I realized how sensitive I was to the criticism (highlighting my insecurities of being seen as lazy or incompetent),
But does the person know what their talking about? I know a guy who gives relationship advice, but doesn’t have a relationship. He gives unsolicited life advice, but I wouldn’t want his life.
Do you have an established relationship with them? Did they only see a small sample size or do they know you well?
Take all of these things into consideration.
Criticism will never feel good.
We need to disengage from our emotional brain. We need to see truth and not-so-much-truth, and then we need to decide if we even give a fuck. If you like the way you are, then good for you. Don’t change. But have the capacity to at least think for yourself and know the right time to do the right thing.